Ben Simmons tells JJ Redick he’s ‘still a part of Philly’

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Ben Simmons

Ben Simmons
Screenshot: JJ Redick/YouTube

Even though the NBA season is about a month away, it still seems excessive to write about Ben Simmons. He never plays basketball outside of (I guess) heavily edited Instagram videos, and yet he’s still in the public debate. He could have had all of his basketball skills drained from his body by a Nerdluck, and we would have no idea.

His last piece of self-promotion/illusion was an appearance on JJ Redick’s podcast “The Old Man & The Three” where he answered a question that was as suggestive as it was triggering. I wish Simmons had answered the question with one word – “yes” – like he could have because what else is he going to say when it’s offered, “Have you the feeling that a lack of shot…was amplified because you were in Philadelphia?

But I guess we all get a little talkative after a few glasses of Chardonnay, and Simmons felt the need to talk about a town that would love if he kept his name out of his mouth.

Did you catch this? It’s almost a throwaway line – “I feel like I’m still part of Philly.” If I was Redick — or more likely the bearded man on the left who definitely turned his hat after the host introduced himself shaking his gaze back — I should have ended the podcast right there. Guy is going to make me choke on my Albariño. Are you still part of Philadelphia? What Earth are we on? Did I wake up the multiverse? Where is Kang?

While I’d have to listen to the entire podcast to know the follow-up question, one can only assume that it’s a form of tickle that makes up the majority of new media ventures. I’m barely aware of the old media, I don’t have time to be sucked into their self-centeredness.

What’s in stemware that gets NBA players excited? I appreciate a beautifully thin Riedel glass as much as the next oenophile, but I find it goes better with an Oregon pinot and a well-seared steak than a plate full of reflection. Nobody, and I mean nobody, thinks he’s more interesting than an NBA player after half a bottle of wine.

Please tell us more about the trials and tribulations of having a sweater so broken you can’t even pull it out. Simmons is not so much unwelcome in Philadelphia as he is reviled. It’s a Boston-Roger Clemens scenario. The least JJ can do is inform Ben that he absolutely should bring in someone from his entourage to catch the Dalessandros or he’ll get a bottle of Yuengling in the back of his head.

Simmons didn’t show up for one of the few seasons the 76ers could have won a title, then left the team the following year. Are you still part of Philadelphia? Still. Apart. Of. Philly? ANOTHER PART OF PHILLY? ! It’s too early for that. It’s too early.

Where’s Ben’s manager during the recording? Didn’t Greg pass the note on the two drink maximum?

Redick should have done what retired players do and passed on his craft like Hakeem Olajuwon did to Dwight Howard. I hope this trend goes in the direction of the Dream Shake summer camp (again assuming) closed, and tear contests which I assume double as content becomes full 2022 like High Noons or Jack Harlow.

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